Faith and Thankfulness

So... that last little rant has run its course. The HOA treasurer called me & we figured out the overflowing trash situation (she forgot to pay a bill, but they never gave her a notice or something like that...). We picked up our dog (check). We cleaned up the cat barf (check). I washed some laundry(check). I cleaned up a little bit (check). Now I'm sitting on my cozy couch, cuddling with my puppy, and burning yummy smelling candles. Sitting here, looking at Christmas lights and smelling my candles has helped me to calm down.

I'm sorry if it seems I've been a little hypocritical lately! What I mean is, if you've read my blog and it went from making turning lemons to lemonade to then expressing a lot of complaints. At first, I thought I'd just blame it on PMS or on grief. Then I realized that even in those super emotional times when everything hurts, I should be trusting God. I was wrong not to. I should trust Him especially in those moments because those are the times that it becomes easy to forget who I am and whose I am (God's). When I choose to suffer in silence or even to scream and throw an adult tantrum because it seems like a quick way to bury the pain, I pull away from God. I can't/shouldn't/won't find my comfort in Him + anything else. It has to be all Him. Just Him. I've been realizing that yes, the hard times suck (that's why they're hard), but without them, I wouldn't appreciate the good times as much. I've left the last week so thankful for so many things I used to take for granted. I am thankful for things I've never thanked my Creator for in the past: my abilities to breathe, swallow, turn my head, move my hands, sit up, walk, go to the bathroom & bathe myself without assistance from others, and many more things. I am just SO thankful for God and all of his generosity and mercy!

I've been reading "Redeeming Love" for the last few days. How ironic is it that I saw it on my roommate's desk for 9 full months of rooming together and on a bookshelf every day that I worked at LifeWay (so, for almost 3 years) , but I never picked it up and started reading it until this week? lol Well, technically I didn't "pick it up" this week either. I'm reading it on my nook. I LOVE that thing! And I'm really enjoying this book! It was a slow starter in my opinion. I didn't like its lack of descriptions of people. Maybe some people like imagining characters in their own ways, but I like to feel like I have a strong, accurate image in my mind. Anyway, I'm right around page 100, after Michael marries Sarah/Angel/"Mara" to get her out of the brothel, and he gives her his deceased sister's clothes. I could relate to how Michael felt the first time he saw Angel and he literally heard God tell him that she was "the one". God told me Aaron was "the one" the first time I saw him, and I think that's why our relationship progressed to marriage as quickly as it did. But I like how in the book, Michael gives all he has to following God's will. He feels this unnatural draw toward a seasoned, cold prostitute. He works his butt off only to turn around and spend all his earnings to spend 30 minutes with her at a time. When he just wants to talk to her, she gets mad and shuts down emotionally. She's willing to let him use her body, but she won't even tell him her real name. When she makes fun of him and tells him off, he gets mad and leaves, but the Holy Spirit keeps nagging at him to go back for her. He goes back and finds her beaten nearly to death and "buys" her from her madame and marries her so he can rescue her from her horrible situation. It's a huge parallel to us (Angel) + Satan (Duchess)+ God (Michael). When Angel tries to leave the brothel on her own, the madame (Duchess) talks down to her and tells her she's worthless for anything other than sex and that she won't survive without her, etc. It takes Michael's illogical and unconditional love to bring her out of her situation. Even once he rescues her, she's still bitter and stubborn. But he never makes her do anything before she's ready. He doesn't make her jump into 1851 farmer's wife role. He gives her time and encourages her. He treats her with love, no matter how unlovable she acts. Aren't we the same-- drowning in our sin and being pulled at by all sides. We try to escape by our own devices, but nothing works. The only thing that can really save us is Christ's unconditional love. He doesn't force Himself on us. And after we accept Him, he doesn't change us overnight or force us to change our attitudes and behaviors. He doesn't threaten us with hell any longer. Instead, His love allows us closer to Him than penance ever could. I just wanted to share ...:)

I e-mailed my "in and through" story (basically, my testimony of what God is doing in me and through me) to the pastors at Blue Ridge a few weeks ago. I'm heading to God's clear instructions that I share my story. I know it will glorify Him and hope it will encourage others. I expected nothing to come out of it-- not even an e-mail acknowledging that they got it. Woody and Dave both e-mailed me about it. Then yesterday, someone from Blue Ridge called me and asked if I would allow them to record me telling my testimony to share at the Look Back on 2010 service (last service of the year). I'm both nervous to do this (I know I'll sound like a babbling idiot) and excited (because I want others to know how awesome I've experienced God to be).