Granny Post #2

Aaron, my brother Joe, and I arrived at my grandparents' house this afternoon. It snowed almost the entire way here, which was pretty.

As soon as I walked into the living room and saw my Granny laying in that hospital bed... I don't even know how to describe what it was like. She looked dead. She was so skinny and pale and weak. She is too weak to do so much as wipe the sweat from her brow. She can't roll over on her own. She can't eat much of anything (literally 3 bites of yogurt and a lick of a popcicle). She can barely even swallow water and almost choked on her pain pill earlier. She can barely whisper. She can make sense for a minute, but then she talks about weird things and doesn't know what she's saying. She can't make eye contact; she just has a glazed-over look. She just sleeps. She falls asleep mid-sentence, mid-swallow, etc. It takes two people just to roll her to her side, so I don't know what Papaw is going to do after everyone leaves (if she's still alive). It's so sad that any human being should have to go through that. I hate cancer. And I hate hospice. We're so used to fighting for/with her to stay alive and well. Hospice is like a bunch of death angels. They want people to give up. I read their little booklet they gave my Papaw. It says that if the person doesn't want to eat, don't make them. Don't pester them to drink anything. Just let them go. So they basically want a person to go "naturally" (i.e., starvation, dehydration, or not being able to breathe). I'm praying for God to just take her peacefully,but apparently "peaceful" is really horrible.

She keeps telling me how much she loves everyone. I talked to Papaw for a few minutes. He was crying. I talked to my dad on the phone because he's being a jerk and won't come to visit his own mother on her death bed and then he started crying. I held the phone up for her and they talked for just a second before she started making no sense. And I honestly think Papaw will go soon after her. Not from health issues, but literally from a broken heart. They're such a love story, so close.


My friend Kristen is looking after my dog, who is apparently terrorizing them. =( I'm sure they have bruises from her jumping all over them and now either she or their dog peed in the house. I really hope it wasn't Maddie. I feel so bad.

I'm ready for this week to be over.