I'm studying II Peter now. Today, I read II Peter 1. There are times when I feel like I'm not qualified enough to give godly advice to people because my life isn't perfect either. I love God very much. I study Scripture on my own and I have been formally trained in theology & Bible studies (thank you, Liberty University). Additionally, I have been through a lot in my own life that I know can be encouraging to others. Still, sometimes I feel like I'm inadequate or "not quite there". But according to II Peter 1, diligence, moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love are the character traits that most reflect God's calling on a person's life. Verses 8-10 state, "8For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. 10Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble." That really encouraged me. I'm not perfect and won't be so long as I'm alive on earth. There's no point in beating myself up over it. Jesus has redeemed me and so long as I am diligently striving to honor Him and show Him through my life, then my life is useful.
Another thing that has been encouraging to me is the book "Crazy Love" By Francis Chan, which my brother gave me for Christmas. It's definitely an enlightening book. It answers questions about God that I know the answers to, but I that I may not really know how to explain to other people. Today, I read,
"The wildest part is that Jesus doesn't have to love us. His being is utterly complete and perfect apart from humanity. He doesn't need me or you. Yet He wants us, chooses us, even considers us His inheritance (Ephesians 1:18). The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing God treasures us... The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time. He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him-- and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by. (Chan, F., 2008, p. 61)"
I love that and wanted to share it.
So far today, I've unpacked our suitcases from our Myrtle Beach trip, washed/folded/ironed/put away 5 loads of laundry (yes, FIVE... we go through so much), washed dishes and cleaned the kitchen. My book finally came for my class today, so I did the course requirements check-in, the introduction discussion board (DB), and reserved my term for DB1. This class seems like it'll be fairly easy. On odd numbered weeks, I have to write a DB. On even numbered weeks, I have to take a test and reply to another student's DB. My internship starts next week. I've been looking forward to it for months! I got the internship at my #1 choice place, which was my first and only internship interview. I'm looking forward to it, but now I'm getting nervous. What if I don't do a good job? What if the employees think I'm in the way? All normal fears, I suppose. I have 16 weeks left until I graduate from college. Woo-hoo!
I've been struggling a little recently... and I'm going to go ahead and ask that no one sends me one of those annoying e-mails saying, "You can always adopt." Blah. It's not that I feel sorry for myself-- I don't. It's not that I'm jealous of anyone-- I am absolutely not. It's not that I am discontent with life-- it's ok for the most part and I'm thankful for it. It's not because "everyone else has kids"-- that is so childish and has absolutely never played a factor in my desire to have a family. It's not about fairness or anything else. It's just... it's something I want to experience with Aaron. It's what I want our marriage to be like. We want to be parents. We want to move on with life and get out of this Liberty University/Lynchburg stage of life. It seems as though everyone has a magic number in their head ("I want 4 kids-- two boys and two girls."). Well, we'd be so happy with just one. I think we'd be great, loving parents. I pray for it almost every day. Aaron and I pray together for it quite a bit. He can't even pass a little kid in the store without pointing out how cute he/she is. We talked about it last night and Aaron said (and has always said) that he knows that we'll have kids. He said that when he was a sophomore in college, Rob Jackson was preaching one night at campus church about God's love and he made the statement that you can't really understand how much a father loves his children until you are a father and how God loves us so much more than that. Aaron said that he prayed that he'd be a father someday and that he knew that God would grant that request. And he said that since he married a woman who deeply wants to have children, that he just considers that further confirmation from God. I'm glad he has that hope. Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't even know how to word what I'm trying to say. We both have all of our "parts". We've both been checked out and tested for various things. The doctors don't understand why I've not gotten pregnant yet because my endometriosis isn't even very severe (although it sure feels like it is!). It's been two and a half years. I just wanted to ask for prayer.
On another topic... The Split starts this week. I'm so excited to be serving in the same ministry with my husband! This week is an introduction/ice breaker week and next week (the official Week 1), I'm teaching. My lesson has to be on the topic of "What's happening to my family?" I need to share a little of my experience with my parents' divorce and some general info and Scripture, of course. Please pray for me that I'll know what God wants me to say and that I'll make it about Him and not myself.
Chan, F. (2008). Crazy love. Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook.
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